Spirit Talk - The Conditioned Self

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The Conditioned Self

I want to tell you about my conditioned self, or what others may call ego. The conditioned self is the part of you that puts you in those scary, "What if?" situations, has every excuse in the book why you shouldn't go big with your passion in life, keeps a lengthy log of all the painful experiences you hate remembering, and wants to keep you in a bubble - always slightly disconnected from the life you want to live because it's "safer".

My conditioned self is a total ninja. It sneaks into my thoughts like it's a long-lost friend giving unwanted advice. And it always knows exactly which insecurity to poke at to pack the most punch. And sometimes, when I'm facing something really challenging, it takes over my daily actions in the form of self-sabotage. If anyone ever tells you that they don't have a conditioned self or they got rid of their ego", it's their conditioned self talking (ain't that a pill to swallow?).

Prior to a retreat in Florida, I found myself putting off making travel arrangements because I thought it would be more responsible to wait, as the timing fell around the same time we moved. A couple weeks before the event, I still hadn't booked the flight or hotel. I had committed to going, but the follow-through was lacking (a symptom of a hostile takeover by the ego). By the time I called the hotel, they told me all they were sold out.

I knew I had to go, especially because I had been so resistant to it. Resistance is a clue that your insecurities are getting poked at. I looked at surrounding hotels and flights, promptly got all flustered, and shut my laptop.

From there, I knew that my conditioned self was gaining too much of my attention. I was starting to get out of the flow that comes with sitting in my authentic truth, and was becoming overwhelmed. So, I took a bath with some reiki infused bath salts, and let my conditioned self have its tantrum in the comfort of a deliciously hot bath. After all, the ego is basically a small child trying to protect you from the scary world. It thinks it's doing you good, but really, you've got this all on your own. Then I sang a little, contemplated a little, closed my eyes for a bit.

Then that moment of reconnection came; a reconnection to my awareness that I'm a spiritual being that is naturally connected to the infinite power of Spirit. With that shift, I conspired with the Universe.

"Alright you guys. I know I have to get to Florida. I wouldn't be so resistant to it otherwise. So tomorrow, a hotel room is going to open up for me, and I'm going to find a nonstop flight both ways. Thanks in advance for being my partners in awesomeness."

See, the key to not succumbing to the antics of your ego is to not see it as your enemy or something you have to go to war with. In fact, it's your greatest tool. When that ego gets triggered and starts acting up, you know you've hit an internal block that needs healing. How else would you know those blocks are there? Give yourself some time to sit in the experience your conditioned self is creating for you, give some TLC and compassion to the experience and your conditioned self, then realign yourself with your essence. This went on for weeks for me, but took a night of self-care and space to move forward and out of it.

Allowing myself a bit more time to integrate with the belief that the following day would bring with it everything I needed, I got out of the bath and straight to bed. It's a lot of work processing through your conditioned self!

The next day, I was able to book a room at the hotel (that was completely booked the day before), and book nonstop flights to and from (with Southwest points).

I love how powerful you and I are. I love how Spirit is always ready to conspire with us for our greatest good.

P.S. If you are interested in some of those reiki infused bath salts, my beautiful, amazing friend sells them over HERE at Flower Moon Bath and Body. And, right now you can use the code spirit10 to receive 10% off your purchase!


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Tell me how your conditioned self has gotten in your way, and what you've done to settle it down, by clicking right here!

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