Poem by Bridgett Albright
Sometimes I feel all that I would like to say bubble up with a heart swelling breath. I catch myself quick and swallow hard. I keep all the words locked just below below my throat the key of fear and warning as stern jailers keeping me in line.
Sometimes all the things I would like to say begin to arise late at night. I pretend to be brave all curled up with my puppy in a space where no one could ever hear. Yes, I say them clear as day, right into my soft pillow pretending I could, if I chose, use the key of kindness to speak those things loud and clear.
Sometimes, when the light is right and the house is empty I put all the things I would like to say on paper with pretty penmanship. When I am through I read them out loud and bold as if I were speaking to you. But as I leave the house I swallow again and throw it away so no one can see, no one, not even me.
Sometimes those things I would like to say gets so thick I feel tears welling up so I write them in an email to myself just to get them out and away. When it arrives I file it away next to the spam and order confirmations; I pretend it is something every day.
Sometimes when we are on the phone I can't hold it back and the mood is light I allow myself to squeak out a few words here and there to test the waters and see what you could hear. Every time you grow quiet and without a beat I begin a new story or say something silly. I choke it away and cover the embarrassment wishing I wouldn't' have said anything then continue to talk about nothing.
Sometimes I can't hold it back and I without any words at all I just feel every single bit of what I would like to say in a package of song and colors delivered straight to your heart. I don't know how they come to you or even if they do and wonder if just the sending is the important part.
One time, not to far away, I will relax into myself with great intimacy and kiss you in the middle of your chest then actually tell you all the things I would like to say. That time I will choose to be the bravest me that ever could be. On that day you will pull me in and kiss my tears and tell me that there was no reason to have waited and wipe away all my fears.
So, from time to time if you listen close you will hear my voice on the road beneath your wheels of the miles you drive or sense some sweet song with colors of the sunrise that leaves you warm. Know its real and just a preview of one time that will come not so far away. When that day comes, be kind to my tender heart the way you do with gratitude of the gift of me you get to receive and I will do the same for you.