|Not my actual son|
Lately I have been feeling edgy and frustrated too. This is not a typical state of being for me, but I know it often precedes a big change in my life. My changes often show up as uncomfortable kicks in the butt, and these past 6 months have brought several of them. So much so that yesterday, my 7yo son asked me to make some pizza. It was 9:30 at night. I was tired and crabby and I snapped at him. Something about why he couldn't he ask me 10 minutes ago when I was standing in the kitchen? Why did he have to wait until I am sitting down? Now, I am tired and I don't feel like cooking again. Why does he have to eat again anyway? He's already eaten several times today...
As the words spilled out of my mouth. I regretted them. I knew I was reacting. Partly to my stress over the upcoming changes in our lives, and partly to his anger all the rest of the day. I knew I was out of line. The little guy was hungry. There's no crime against being hungry. He didn't deserve to get yelled at. Within minutes my heart softened and I was apologizing for yelling. I told him that I was just really tired and stressed out. It's not that he's hungry, it's just that I sometimes have too many things to do and I feel overwhelmed. He responded with, "It's ok, Mom. I forgot that you could even get angry. My mom being angry is so rare it's like seeing a dinosaur. You never get angry."
|Not actually me|
My heart softened even more. What a sweet perception he has of me. I so want to be a loving + patient mother, and it was clear in that moment, that despite all of the times he thinks I am mean for not buying him what he wants (and even though he spent all day yelling at me for it), that overall he sees me as gentle and patient and kind. I feel like I am doing something right.
Anyway, I wake up this morning and I just feel the need to snuggle him. As I crawl into his covers and wrap my arms around him (slowly and gently so that I don't wake him up), I feel like all this praying I have been doing to connect with and heal my issues around masculine energy are all wrapped up right here in this beautiful little boy. I put my arms around him and made him the object of my spiritual worship. I opened my heart to accept all of him, to honor the Divine Masculine in him, to breathe into his beautiful Light and help it to grow. My eyes filled with tears as my love for him overcame me. I could feel his Holy Light responding to my love and adoration. In my mind's eye, I could see his Light getting bigger and brighter, which just heightened my love and adoration.
|Also not my actual baby. lol|
So, this morning began with tears of gratitude for the Divine Masculine that is my son, actually for the Divine Masculine that is both of my sons. And, for the Divine Feminine that is my daughters. All 3 of them. And a heart so full of love and gratitude that it overflows my eyes with tears. I rededicate myself to helping them shine their Light in every way, including learning how to navigate the anger and sadness within them.
Life is not always what we want it to be, but it is always what we need it to be. Everything that happens around us helps us to grow the energies within us. When we are challenged, we find strength. When we are supported, we feel trust. It's all part of this beautiful expansion of own spiritual being through this 3 dimensional world. And, What a wonderful world it is.