What I learned from Everything I Thought I Knew

What I Learned from Everything I Thought I Knew

There was a time when I thought I knew something about something
There was a day when I would stand up in front of classes and crowds
And tell people what I thought I knew
What I thought I knew to be true
about life and love and the art of being human

I would tell them, "This is my formula for success. Here is a guideline for achieving your goals. Here is an outline for making your dreams come true. All you need to do is take this step, and that one and you will reach the mountaintop."
And I told them
I told them and told them and told them
Wanting to make their path easier than mine
Passing around my words like cheat notes on the test of life

Until one day I woke up
I woke up and saw my life crashing down around me
I ran back and forth
Throwing up all my best tools and techniques
I used all of my coping skills and strategies
I pulled up every last drop of strength I had
to try to keep my 4 walls from caving in
And then I watched silently
as they did

My life imploded with such pain and devastation 
that you'd think a tsunami lived in my soul
and I found out that it does.
I found out that chaos stirs up in my world that is beyond my fixing
beyond my reach
and I found out how far my heart can go before it breaks

I found out that Destiny is going to have Her way no matter what I think I know
and when She does
It's best for me to bow my head and she Her some respect
For She is the force of Oneness too
She is the destructive half of the Creator
but she is still the Creator.

She is the part of Life that we try to avoid
with all of our safety measures
and all of our precautions
She is the One who we are building our walls against
And when we open our doors to invite Goodness,
She steps in too.

This is because she is Life
She is the shadow of the Light
and she is the Light
She is the tail side of the penny
And the heads.
She is the "bad luck" that sneaks up when we are not looking
And the good that does too

She is what we didn't know was coming
Our blindspot
Our weakness
Our Achille's heal
She is the part of life that makes us shudder
And when we are pursing a dream, ANY dream
She would stop us in our tracks if we were to ever catch a glimpse of her

She is stealthy like a ninja and a master of disguise
She is the lover who left you and your oh so broken heart
She is the businessman who cheats you
She is the cancer that eats at you
or the thug that beats you and robs you of your faith and trust 
as he steals the contents of your wallet
She is the drunk driver that takes your child
or the heart attack that takes your mother
or the fire that takes your home and all of your precious belongings
and everything you thought you knew
you suddenly don't.

When She came to me and broke my life
I stood before her and I looked her straight in her ugly face
and I screamed
and I cursed
"How dare you?? How dare you come into my world and tear it apart? Who do you think you are breaking in and taking away my everything? How can you do this to me? I don't deserve this! I was a good person. I had a formula. I had a plan. And now you've ruined it all!!"

and the sadness sank down around my soul 
and the fire burned in my belly as my words flew at Her
But, Destiny just smiled.
She laughed at my silliness and turned to walk away.
I yelled, "Hey come back here! I wasn't done with you yet!"
I had more to say. More to feel.
She just winked at me as she faded off

My heart pounded in my chest with all of my unspoken words
My emotions swirled around and around
My head spun with confusion 
and frustration
and anger
and suddenly I understood Her laughter

How ridiculous of me.
How silly to think that one small woman could control the forces of nature.
I thought I knew something about something
I thought I had a magic plan that could somehow override God's plan
And that I was the one in control
What a funny joke that is.

And now, I'm here to tell you one thing I've learned from everything I thought I knew
is that I really don't
I really don't have a way to control the moon and the stars
but I do know how to admire them
I know how to look at the full moon in all her glory 
and how to let her light guide me through the darkest night
I know how to look up at the darkside of the moon and to guide myself

I know that there will be obstacles in my path
Whether I see them coming or not
and I know that I can go around them, or over them or through them
or I can sit beside them, screaming + crying
It's my choice
I know that Destiny will drop Her gifts into my world
both good and bad
And I know what to do with them when they show up

I have been up and I have been down
And I know that if you are alive, Life will take you both directions
And that anyone who tells you that there is no "down"
has simply forgotten about gravity.
If you ever start to forget, just drop an apple and see where it goes.

No matter how high you fly, gravity will grab you at some point.
Life will pull you down and you may hit the ground.
Hard.
But don't worry, just let gravity do it's job. 
Let it pull off all of the old beliefs and patterns that you thought you were. 
Let it pull away everything you thought you knew 
to reveal what you really do.
Let your walls crash down all around 
so that amongst the wreckage
you can find yourself

And when you stand up again and dust yourself off
Destiny will smile her pretty face at you
and you'll hold onto your truth as you follow Her lead
knowing that whatever happens
whether it's lovely or not
that you will shine your way through it
because you know that it is your own light that guides you
It always has been
and always will be