Lighthart Becomes DarkHeart (almost)

I have to be honest, this past week, I have been feeling less than lovely about my life. I've been going through a lot of drama with my ex which has brought up a zillion really uncomfortable emotions for me. 

I don't like feeling angry and I find that he really knows how to make me angry. In fact, I think he went to some special school where they train you in how to agitate peaceful people. I'm sure he aced all of his studies. I betcha he graduated with top honors. Sometimes, I swear he sits up at night devising ways to make my life harder, because he always seems to find some new + improved plan. 

My head knows that he is a great teacher for me, but my feelings are feeling something very different. As he pushes my buttons and I sit around feeling like some kind of raging lunatic, I start to fantasize about getting a bat and just "going postal" on him. But, I can't do that. That would be wrong. Right? Besides I can just see the headlines now, "Lighthart Becomes DarkHeart" and then I'd have to turn into some horribly, villainous version of myself, like when Peter Parker turns evil in Spiderman 3. I couldn't let that happen. Then, I'd have to learn all those dance moves and well... I just can't see it....

I really believe that there is a greater plan to all things and that everything is happening FOR me and not TO me, but sometimes that is so hard to see when I'm in the middle of it. When storm is tearing your house down, you tend forget all about the rainbows. I'm sure you know what I mean....

As I moved through so many ugly emotions this week, of course, business was at a standstill. For those of you who are self-employed, you know that when you don't have the energy to run your business, it just doesn't run. So, all week long, I have no money coming in. I'm furious with my ex and getting "broker" by the minute. It was not a pretty picture.
Now, we all know that anger is not a healthy thing to hold onto. I really do my best to take action any time I feel angry about something. If I don't like it, I need to change it. And if I can't change it, then I need to wash it up with some acceptance and forgiveness. So, I do my best to address things as they come in. But this one was pretty huge and very sudden, and I wasn't able to smooth my own feathers down very well at all.

One thing I know for sure is that there is a lot of power in anger. I was more awake and energized this week than I have had in a really long time. Since I didn't have a bat (or any twinkies to protect me from being imprisoned for my crimes), I had to find ways to use that energy. I began by channeling it into cleaning and organizing the laundry room (which was atrocious, by the way). I went to dinner + a movie with my older daughters, which helped me to see what incredible women they are. I am constantly amazed by my children. They see me at my worst, and they still love and support me. Could there be a better gift than that? I don't think so...

For the most part, I rode my own storm out. I vented a little to my daughter. I saw my chiropractor. I got some healing work done. I did some journaling and some meditating. I "got real" with God. I told Source exactly what I felt about this whole nonsense I was going through. In fact, all of the nonsense I had ever been through. I even spoke some of my truth to my ex. And I prayed to find forgiveness. This morning, I am finally feeling it. The peace is flowing gently through my veins again and I am so grateful for that. Every day may not be rainbows and sunshine, but they've all got their gifts. Sometimes it's exactly what we want and sometimes it's not. But, when we can accept what is happening in the present and allow it to unfold it's blessings, it can become our greatest treasure.

deborah lighthart
Metaphysical Fitness Coach
Caring for more than just your Body
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Joan said…
Beautiful share… thank you.
Christine said…
I love when you share your process. It is authentic and extremely helpful <3 Am very honored to walk along side you and learn from you~

Peace to you,

Thank you so much, Joan! So glad to be sharing this journey with you <3
And I am so honored to walk alongside you, Christine <3 We all have things we can learn from each other and helpful tips that can make our trek easier. So much love to you today <3
Brenda Bullinger said…
Hi Deborah...
While I have been receiving your email, this is the first one I really began to explore and it is filled with great stuff!!! Including your sharing of your personal journey. Grateful for all your work and willingness to serve. Blessings be!
ps. I am one of Hollis' friends in RI....met you that one time and was very impressed from the start!
Brenda Bullinger
Hi Brenda,
Thank you so much for your lovely note! It's so wonderful that modern technology can help us to stay connected so easily. <3 I really believe that we can all learn from sharing each other's journeys, so I start by sharing my own. :) So glad to share this walk with you. <3
Blessings to you, my friend!
PS - I actually just got off the phone with Hollis and we were discussing my next trip there. Looking forward to seeing you again soon!