"Once upon a time, I fell in love with a most amazing man. My heart broke because he could not give me himself. When I stopped crying, I realized he had given me something better: Myself." - Deborah Lighthart
In my line of work, I get to speak with a lot of people (mostly women) who are riding the roller coaster of romantic love. They call me for an intuitive consultation/psychic reading because love has brought them to a confusing space & they need clarity. I help them to reveal the truth within themselves, accept the truth about their partner & find balance in their lives again. It is such a blessing to share in each & every journey, knowing that at the core, each one is the same. We are all looking for the same thing, to love and to be loved.
Romantic love is beautiful when it can last a lifetime, but oftentimes it does not. In these moments, I invite people to look at the lessons they have learned, to revel in the beautiful experiences they have shared and to glean the good from the situation. Sometimes, when your heart is broken, that is not an easy task. Seeing the silver lining through a torrential downpour of tears can seem next to impossible. So, I would like to share my recent experiences as an example, in the hopes that they will help people to more clearly process their own experiences.
A year & a half ago, I developed a crush on a guy. This was totally out of the blue & was much against my own will. My rational brain knew from the beginning that this was not going to end up in a committed relationship. None-the-less, I did it. Love was calling my name again. The thing about Love is that she is enchanting & bewitching, but she never offers any promises. She is like a carnival game. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. I decided to play anyway. Why? you may ask... all I can say is....
"Le cœur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connaît point." - Blaise Pascal (translation: "The heart has it's reasons, that reason does not know.")
Having made a career from helping people to listen to & follow their hearts, I most certainly could not walk away from this beautiful opportunity to follow my own. So, I took a deep breath & I let my heart take the lead. This was so much scarier for me than it sounds, since I had been so devastated by my marriage just 3 short years ago, but I will share that whole story another time. For now, it will suffice to say that my heart was rent, my will was bent and my soul was spent. I didn't know if I had it in me to listen to Love's call this time, but what other choice did I have? Being an intuitive & a healer is a heart-centered line of work. My income is tied to my spiritual growth & awakening process. I simply cannot avoid my own lessons or my work will suffer. So, my heart began it's journey with a man I will refer to as "my muse."
I call him "muse" because we never actually had a relationship, at least nothing beyond friendship I should say. I fell in love with him, but he did not fall for me. I kept hoping he would (or at the very least that I could find a graceful & elegant way to trip him!) but, it was not to be. Very early in our connection, I realized that I did not match his "grocery list" of qualities that he is seeking in a woman. I was pretty well aware of where this relationship was going. Many people would stop here. The walls to the heart would start closing right now, knowing that the love was not going to "pan out" the way they wanted it to. My heart still pulled toward him. I know that the heart guides us to experience that which we need to evolve, so I kept falling. Making my heart stop in it's tracks, would only keep me from learning what I needed to learn. So I continued loving him anyway, besides there could come a day when he may throw his list away, right?
I adored him (as much as he allowed me to). I let love run through my veins. I painted lovely paintings inspired by him. I wrote beautiful poems inspirited by him. I let my creative soul express all that I was feeling inside. This process reconnected me to myself. By loving him, I was accessing a piece of myself that I had lost among the thorns in the garden of heartbreak. By loving him, I was beginning to shine again, to glow with the light of hope. Just as my heart began to sing, just as I began to dance in the beauty of love and jump with joy every time he looked my way, he fell in love with someone else.
Ouch, baby. Very ouch.
Clearly, I had mistaken his kindness for romantic interest, which it obviously was not. It would appear that this would have been a great place to stop listening to my crazy, misguided heart, right? My therapist would most certainly agree, as would my rational mind. Yet, I looked at all the beautiful parts of my soul that I had been setting free since I met him & I saw that my spirit was soaring again. I loved him for that. After several years of feeling like I was buried under the earth, I felt like I was flying. In my heart, I still had so much love for him & I wanted to keep flying. I let our friendship rest quietly in the background of his new romance & I did my best to continue the process of excavating the treasures within me.
My wings didn't work as well when he was not around, but they did work a little, so I kept stretching them. Every day I tried to apply the love that I felt with him to my whole life. I tried to see the world as my muse and to embrace the beauty in every living being. If I could not have the concentrated Love that I felt in his presence, I could at least have little morsels of it elsewhere. Maybe somehow they'd all add up inside of me & it would feel the same. Maybe if I focused myself, I could somehow kindle the fire within me that he ignited & I would shine the same way on my own. And, it did. I did.
Our friendship has come into the foreground again recently. The old feelings of inspiration, enthusiasm & excitement are all still very much present for me. I honor that he does not feel this way about me, but when I hear his voice, it still feels like home. My work right now is in allowing my heart to still take it's course, no matter how (or if) he chooses to respond to me. I strive to embrace the "me" that comes out when I am near him. My heart has brought me here for a reason, even if my reason does not know why. I know I will benefit from the growth I experience in knowing him. He awakens me. He inspires me. He enlightens me. That is such a gift.
I invite everyone to take an open approach to love without focusing on the outcome. Maybe when you love someone, it is not meant to last a lifetime. Maybe it is not meant to be forever. Maybe (as in my case) it is not ever even going to be romantic love at all. But does that mean, we should not love? Does that mean that path of the heart was wrong? I don't believe it does. I believe it just means we need to re-frame our focus. We've been taught the story since we were children, "Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy wins girl's heart. They live happily ever after." Clearly that story only fits a tiny percentage of relationships, so why would we want to try to make it happen every time? Why can't we just let our hearts tell their own story? Even if it's a sad story. Even if it's a tragedy. It is still a story. YOUR story. Your story that was written by your own heart, as told by your own soul, perceived through your very own eyes, and it is beautiful.
Listen to your heart. Follow it's lead & let the story in your heart unfold. Love brings out your best & your worst. It let's you soar to new heights and it highlights the spaces within you that need healing. When you fall in love, your awareness of your own strengths & weakness will grow, allowing you to learn so much about yourself. Maybe it doesn't even have to be about the other person at all. Maybe it is just about what they represent in you. Whatever it is, trust your heart to walk you through it. Enjoy the rollercoaster ride that love takes you on, instead of thinking about where the ride is going to end. Take all the good you can from it, knowing that without love, life is just not as lovely.
Please enjoy this writing "On Love" by Kahlil Gibran
This post was brought to you by Deborah Lighthart, Intuitive, Energy Healer & Visionary Artist. The name "Deborah" means "Bee seeking the honey of life." Deborah's life mission is to help you find a sweet, satisfying & soulful existence. Her private practice is located at Feronia Wellness Center in Germantown WI, but she also works by phone & online. Her intuitive consultations are uplifting, accurate & insightful. Her healing work is soothing, spiritual & transformational. Her artwork is modern, abstract & spirited. She is also the Founder of Feronia Wellness Organization, a non-profit group promoting holistic health & wellness. Deborah believes that health & happiness are your birthright and she works in every way possible to help you claim it. You can find more information about Deborah at www.deborahlighthart.com