How "Sexy" Are You?

How “Sexy” Are You?

Merriam Webster defines sexy as: “generally attractive or interesting…appealing.” That said, how many of us actually feel sexy and embrace our appeal? Really…what do you think when you get out of the shower or leave the house in the morning? Do you smile and tell yourself how handsome or beautiful you are? Do you like the person you see? Often times, we criticize ourselves and scold ourselves, compare ourselves and punish ourselves when we really could be loving ourselves.

The terms “interesting” and “appealing” are so vague and vast that there is room for sexiness to show up uniquely in all of us. “Attractiveness” takes on many different forms, as we know. We can be attracted to someone’s smile, laugh, confidence or style. Yet our biggest challenge is to recognize the ways in which we appeal to ourselves. We know that we are reflections of one another, so what we do or don’t find attractive in another is usually a direct correlation to something we want to change about ourselves. It’s a great tool for self-awareness.

Unfortunately, society has come up with its own definition of sexuality, and it has put a strain on us in our relationships and our lives. It is exhausting to try and live up to the expectations “out there” and often times leads us further away from acceptance and love. Being “sexy” is often overrated and/or misunderstood. Being truly comfortable in your own skin and allowing others to appreciate that space with you is an intimate, sexy experience.

Embracing our uniqueness and accepting our own beauty can seem like a difficult task when we haven’t been encouraged to do so, or have not had the best role models. Our parent’s beliefs and examples, as well as our teachers, peers, religious upbringing and more can affect the way we view ourselves and others in this way, and can be hard habits to break. Once we can move beyond our limiting beliefs and step into our own power, we can be liberated, free to give and receive love in the most authentic ways.

Valentine’s Day is a time of year that reminds us to focus on love, sexiness and intimacy. It’s a great chance for us to get to know ourselves and our significant others better. My suggestion this month is to spend some personal time in front of the mirror having a good, long conversation or two with yourself. You can do this in any fashion that feels comfortable to you, as long as you maintain eye contact(I often sit Indian style in front of a full-length mirror). You can start out by simply telling yourself what you see….be creative, open and honest – go beyond just the physical…after all, you are talking to yourself, so you know what lies beyond the surface.

Continue by finishing sentences such as, “what I find attractive about you is...” or “what appeals to me about you is…” and you can even ask questions like “who are you,” “if you could do anything, what would it be” and “what are you afraid of.”
See where this discussion takes you. Then, when you are ready, look yourself straight in the eyes, and say to yourself, “I love you. You are beautiful. You are sexy.” There may be embarrassment, tears, anger or sadness. Keep going. You are worth it. Some of the times that I have watched myself cry have been the most profound.

Do this as often as you can. Sometimes speaking isn’t even necessary – just a silent, still connection with what you see in the mirror. You will be amazed at the outcomes.

Every day I challenge you to come up with at least three things that you find sexy (that is, appealing, attractive or interesting) about yourself. Loving ourselves unconditionally is pretty sexy!

Here are some inspirational quotes to bask in as you step into the love that is you:

“If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself.” ~Barbara De Angelis

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.” ~Unknown

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” ~ Carl Jung

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance” ~Oscar Wilde

“I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love.” ~Paulo Coehlo

“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown