How Can I Get Another Person to Change?

Earlier this week I wrote about transformation, and how following a specific recipe of thought, action and repetition can create a new belief, and thus transformation. I used the example of finding the girl of your dreams to demonstrate it.

Today I would like to share the role the other person plays in the transformation. I stressed that this is not a process where you need the other person to do anything, to change anything, to behave in any way differently than they currently are. The transformation process in a relationship is purely an inside job for the one that chooses it. So you probably wonder how the relationship will change without the participation of the other person.

Like most of my teachings, this is based on appreciation and acceptance, and of course, the Law of Attraction. So through this process you have transformed yourself into someone that can only see your romantic partner as the “girl of your dreams.” You have paid greatest attention to the most important step, step five of the process: repeating the thought and the action continuously. Whenever you have let doubt in the process creep in, you immediately take further action to extinguish that doubt. You have created a new belief in yourself that this dream girl deserves your attention, focus, listening, gifts, flowers, wonderful date nights, and romantic vacations.

Here’s the coolest part. Now that you only see the positive, see the dreamy part of the girl that matches up perfectly with your desire, she now naturally brings that part of her to you. This part of her has been there all along, you likely just couldn’t see it prior to YOUR internal process and shift of attention. Your focus is now on the ideal parts of your relationship, and she perfectly matches your focus, bringing you the dream girl.

As a further example, think of how often a grandparent will see perfection in a grandchild when the parent’s focus is on other points of behavior. The child is the same, but what comes through is different with each relationship. Grandchildren really are all pure angels!

The most important part of this recipe is that you focus solely on the transformation to the new thought and action that you want, and then the circumstances around you will change to match that new thought, once you have fully worked the process.

I have used this technique to transform how I think about money, about health, about fitness, about my physical body, about my career, about my romantic relationship, and about my kids. Always, the process has been the same, and I will include it below. And always, the circumstances in my environment have transformed to match my new thoughts perfectly once I have completed the internal transformation! I repeat, always, my circumstances have transformed to match my new thoughts perfectly once I have completed the internal transformation!

Here’s the recipe for success once again…

1. Have a new thought

2. Repeat that thought

3. Create an action consistent with that new thought

4. Repeat that action

5. Repeat the thought and the action until it becomes a habit

6. That new habit of thought and habit of action will become a belief for you

The new belief will be a new foundation in your life upon which all new thoughts and actions will be based… and that is transformation.

You really can have everything you want!

Enjoy, Rick

Rick Schaefer, M.D. is known as the Happiness Coach. He is the creator of Guilt-Free Coaching, and is the author of Extreme Thought Makeover™… 37 Days to Maximum Life! He speaks throughout the U.S. and has a following in more than 50 countries. To learn more or to work with Dr. Rick directly, call 414-573-8880 or go to